Grief, the rinse and repeat gift

I just finished listening to a great podcast on grief, betrayal, loss and disappointment by master coach Susan Hyatt.  It was a good reminder for me this morning. I wanted to share it as it could be a good resource for you too.

I’m a life coach, but I can only do this kind of work and help my clients if I help myself first. I’ve done a lot of work in this area for myself and have helped my clients, such as those grieving the death of a child, their spouse and also working through betrayal and divorce. Yet I can also use helpful reminders from others, and I hire coaches myself.

Life it to give it. Do the work.

It’s interesting because I literally now am writing this blog post for the third time as the computer ate it twice. I think that is a great analogy for the grieving process. You go through it in stages, at different times. Life hands you the opportunity to revisit it and go deeper, through a new grieving opportunity.

It sounds weird to call it a grieving opportunity, but really, that’s what it is. Even when you graduate college, or get your masters, there is still more to learn, right? You are never done learning in life. Same here. To me it’s along the idea of a life lesson, and that we are souls in a human body, here to go to a soul school – life.

I am experiencing something that is definitely a “live it to give it” opportunity as we say in coach-speak. About a month ago, my dear friend of 25 years died, and I have been grieving his loss. In the last few years, there was something that came between us, and that makes for a more difficult grieving process and possible lack of the illusive “closure,” even though he was still my dear friend when he died.

There also was not an official ceremony, and I am a big believer in ceremony. Normally I would light a candle myself, pray, relight the candle for a period of days, pray some more. Yet this time when I learned of his death, I was literally on my way out of town. I believe today will be the day for my own ceremony. It’s a grey, rainy day, and the feel of it fits for me. I go by “feel” a lot as an empath.

I also am a clairvoyant/medium, and that provides me with another opportunity for working with my grief when someone I love crosses over. Yet it is still necessary to do this kind of work. Susan’s questions are similar questions I ask myself and similar to the work I do. She include a mantra that I am going to work with in this situation. It is a beautiful mantra, and you may listen to her podcast to learn more.

The other thing about grief is that fresh grief brings up the opportunity to look at other grief. There’s been more for me even just this past year….another friend who died in November, dear friends of 25 years moving to another state (final move was last week), quitting my job a year ago January when my Mom was in the hospital (and more related to that, Mom is fine), losing another gig before it started, illness of my cat, something about a man, etc. This has been quite a year. I have forgiven where that was needed, done that work, yet there is always room for more.

I also have gained so much – like a fabulous new public policy gig that I love, with people that I love, that also gives me the opportunity to begin to really work on my coaching practice and business. I believe there is a reason for everything, even when it does not make sense at the time.

It’s o.k. to pause and give yourself a moment. It’s o.k. to be sad or angry or hurt. Grief happens in its own unique time, and it is different for everyone – just like the pattern of every snowflake is unique. I think as a coach sometimes I focus on story fondling so much – i.e. not to do it – that sometimes I may not give myself enough time, allow myself to be a human, in a human body, having this experience.

I realized last week in grieving my friend’s death and doing the work with a coach, that it raised some things that I have worked on before, to give me the opportunity to go much deeper. Yes, “opportunity.” I mean that sincerely. Opportunity like this isn’t fun, but it’s always good/necessary. Over the last three years, I lost quite a few very dear, close friends, definitely in the manner of betrayal, tied into a former spiritual organization. It was a loss, yet it was also a blessing.

My life is much better now that they are gone, and I am so grateful for that – grateful that they are no longer in my life, that I can “see” and that I have the opportunity to do this work. I am also grateful for the lessons that I learned and what their presence in my life taught me along the way. Yet despite that gratitude, I realized that there is still hurt, sadness and anger at their betrayal and behavior to look at again. Anger is a stage of grief, and it serves as a mask for the root emotions underneath. Susan’s questions in her podcast are similar to ones I have asked myself in similar situations. Her mantra gives a great way to address this, and I intend to work with it here as well.

Last week when Susan put out this podcast, I knew I *had* to listen to it – definitely what I call a synchronicity or a meaningful coincidence. Some folks call them God Winks. Whatever the name, personally I find it is my higher self, my soul self, trying to get me to listen, to go back to school. I finally listened to it, and it’s awesome! I listened to it twice.

Time to rinse and repeat.

For any of you who are experiencing grief, loss or betrayal, this would be a great 10 minutes or less of your life.

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Change is Magic

Daffodils (Getty)
Daffodils (Getty)

Change is magic. It brings the hint of a fresh breeze on the air. The shifting of the seasons has so much power to help us make changes in our own lives.

I feel the energy of spring starting in early February, as the daffodils have sprung from the earth and the crocus make their appearance. Even through the snow that may be on the ground, they find their way, pushing through the soil. It is a time of new beginnings as the sun begins to warm the earth, melting the snow and ice, nourishing the land for the flowers to come.

It is similar with us and winter, if we take the time to work with the energy of the season and the change between seasons. In winter, we spend time indoors. We can use this time to go within ourselves. Look at our life. What do we want to change? What do we no longer need to hang onto? Clean out that closet, that drawer, that file, including the file of limiting beliefs in our mind…look at our life and what no longer serves.

There is still time yet. What can you gently release from your life to make room for new growth to come? What do you seek to create in your life in its place? Plant the seed of that intention, that Intent, in your mind.

A few weeks ago, I sold two pieces of furniture, antiques. I had them for a long time. I loved them, but I needed more space in my house, so I advertised them for half of their value and what I paid for them.

First I sold the armoire. It was unique – an English, walnut, knockdown wardrobe. Gorgeous. A couple who had left a western state came here with hardly any furniture. They bought an older house in North County, and they love antiques. Their house did not have enough closets. They came and got it with a friend, and they were so happy!!

The second one is an even better story. It was a beautiful lime green, velvet, full size Victorian sofa. A delightful young couple came. She had just bought her first home in the City. They were so cute! They had specifically been looking for a “lime green velvet Victorian sofa!” What are the odds, right?

I call this a synchronicity, a meaningful coincidence. To me synchronicities are like the breadcrumbs of life, giving us clues to the right path.

I had a friend at my house on both occasions so I wouldn’t be alone, and praised her for bringing her boyfriend. They only had a loveseat and were sharing that to watch t.v., so I told them to lay down, test it out. Seeing those two curled up on the sofa was too cute for words! Then, her Dad came with his truck. Just like my Dad did to get the sofa from the antique store for me, and has so many times for me in my life. They carried it out in the snow. For some reason, both of their plans had changed, and they were free to come that night. I love it when a plan comes together!

After this, several things began to happen, more things came into my life and others began to shift in both little ways and big ways. When you catch this flow of energy, it’s almost like what some might call a lucky streak. But I don’t believe in luck. I believe in magic. Here’s what happened so far…

  • I had this amazing opportunity for a three hour meeting with a writer interested in my work, and they attended an event that I threw as well.
  • I had a great meeting with someone that may have a political position for me.
  • I also had an interview for a new gig, and got the second interview while still on the phone on the first interview.
  • I realized before any warning lights came on that there was something wrong with my car and got it taken care of before it was a problem.
  • I received a check for the first time ever from my mortgage company for an escrow surplus that was almost the size of a mortgage payment.
  • An old thing hanging out there was resolved to my benefit and satisfaction.
  • Things shifted back to the better with a man I’m interested in.
  • My health began to shift for the better.
  • My Mom’s health continues to improve.
  • And I got carded. (Had to include that!)

Change is magic. When things change, magic happens in your life. It happens in little ways and big ways. It releases the flow of energy. Energy wants to flow, it doesn’t want to be stopped. Yes, it doesn’t want to be forced or pushed, and it may want to be eased or gently started to keep that balance in the process of change, but it does want to flow.

Change is good! I promise. Sometimes you may not immediately see it, but it always is. It opens so many amazing doors and brings such gifts when you gently release the old to welcome in the new blessings!

Release what does not serve. Let go attachment. Release that energy to flow. State your intention or Intent for the blessings you want to come in your life. Allow the movement. Release attachment to outcome. Let it flow.

Enjoy the magic.